May 4, 2007

I'm your trash bitch Coachella!

Coachella organizers promoted a “green” festival this year with incentive plans and other trendy ideas. Pick up bottles and get free water. Carpool and be entered into a VIP for life contest. There were solar panels, bicycle powered phone chargers, bio-fueled barbeques and more. Incredible, just like Burning Man!

Here’s the pitch for the water bottle recycling program:

“New for 2007...Recycle your empties. Bring us 10 empty water bottles you find laying around the polo field and redeem them for 1 new free bottle of water. Please help keep the polo field clean, Recycle and stay hydrated all at the same time.”

Well, good for you Golden Voice. Not only did you cut down on your energy bills, but you managed to turn me – and many others – into your own little MOOP bitches.

The actual execution of the bottle-recycling gimmick turned out to be nothing more than that, a novel way to get paying festival goers to clean up after the slobs who still haven’t learned to walk the extra ten feet to drop trash in a box.

Next time can you give us some equipment so we don’t have to bend over and strain our backs. I think the Park Patrol Trash Picker with a nice nylon bag would suffice.

After collecting 30 bottles outside the festival gates in 105-degree weather, I was told by security that I couldn’t bring them into the festival where eager Coachella employees were waiting to exchange them for three chilled Crystal Geysers. Security risk I guess... Attention Homeland Security! San Francisco man attempts to bring empty bottles into desert festival.

Luckily, there were recycle bins at the gate so I did succeed in slowing global warming. Once inside the festival, I began collecting again and, before you know it, I had 10 bottles within minutes. Unfortunately, when I dumped them at a water vendor next to the main stage, a friendly man told me there was no way in hell he would depart with one of those ice-soaked goodies.

It took me a while to figure out there was only one place to redeem the empty bottles, and after further lining my hands with gook and grime, I took my barter booty and waited in line – for a while. I got my water.

50 empty bottles = 1 free water, thanks.

Oh, and where the hell was I supposed to enter into the carpoolchella raffle? Nevermind, I just missed Tokyo Police Club.


Excuse me sir, is this where I recycle my bottles?

1 comment:

mari said...

hmmm.... this sounds strangely similar to dinosaur jr.'s new promotion strategy. sending out bulletins on myspace promoting a contest to win free tickets. all you have to do is photograph yourself creating and passing out flyers and posters for their upcoming shows. they say that keeping detailed logs of your creative efforts to spread the word will earn you extra points!! thanks anyways, i think i'll just buy the ticket. actually, on second thought... dinosaur jr. can go to hell.